And now I present to you a piece of a new play I’m writing. A tale about talent, time and torture, the story of a man that is strong in will and leadership but is done in by his graceful persona and meekness. Ladies an gentlemen I give you MCNABB:
Act 1, scene 1:
(the three witches. Loria, Reid and Owens sit calmly outside of The Linc in Philadelphia. Their eyes fixed on their television screens eyeing the moves of McNabb and his associate Shanahan. Owens laughs at the misfortunes of the man he once considered his friend while Reid and Loria ponder McNabb’s misfortune)
Witches: double double toil and trouble, Fedex burns and Dan Snyder bubbles. Wicked man Shanahan turns all the wheels while Donovan paces with wounds yet to heal.
Owens: soft man McNabb winner of zero, without my aid he wouldve never been a hero. Look at Philly thrives in his departure, his is just a novice while Vick is the archer.
Reid: oh dear brother I stood by at war, when words pierced us together an we fell on our swords. I benched thee in the same fashion of the present. Though Rex Grossman in my eyes would never have left my bench kid.
Loria: I gave unto thee riches never seen before Snyder made player contracts obscene. I traded thee to a familiar circumstance with no weapons, no receivers and nary a chance.
Witches: we see you again and again you are down, but now at 34 are you down for the count. New contract at hand but the future is dim. Dear friend we fear your time is at end.
(Donovan sits next to Albert Haynesworth contemplating what to do next after another debilitating setback that has lessened his influence as an excellent quarterback and now brings him more doubters.)
Albert: cardiovascular endurance huh? I would love to hear his excuse for me.
Donovan: wouldn’t we all.
A: you have to speak out against these demons with huge egos. How can a man that was fired after it was clear that he couldn’t lead a team without a superstar quarterback tell us that Rex Grossman is a better fit for out team? Did he not see how terrible he was in Chicago?
D: indeed it is troubling. But I have been here before with Owens, and Limbaugh. With follies overtime rules, which are dumb to begin with, and the lack of a ring. This is nothing new to me. Nor will it get old.
A: time and time again Donovan you have handled these failures of judgement of character with grace and humility. You are one of the best men in the league and yet you are constantly disgraced. It’s not your fault we have no receivers, no run game or no direction. The shanahan’s are merely deflecting blame to save their name.
D: indeed but who cares we’ll be rid of them next year with I in Minnesota and you with Giants.
A: hopefully. I would say I shouldn’t have left Tennessee but you see that mess.
(Dan Snyder throws money in every direction in ignorance. He’s currently wondering about the price of possible free agents Jon Kitna, Brian Westbrook and even aging defensive end Kyle Vandenbosch… there is no dialogue just imagine the stupidity and the possible amount of money that Snyder is about to waste on aging players… Again.)
(the shanahan’s Kyle and Mike comb over their evil plots of self-absorbency of their egos and their plots of showing their power)
Mike: we’ve finally rid ourselves of Donovan McNabb.
Kyle: an excellent play dad of putting every blame on the aging moor when in reality injuries have decimated us, we’re on our fifth different running back and my play calling had been atrocious.
M: yes. Deflecting blame is what I do best. Yes this is partly my personnel and I did want McNabb here, but I can’t take blame for this mess. These players will understand that I am in charge if I have to cut or bench everyone. This is my team and my rules. I care not that I gave McNabb nothing to work with or that he has a bad offensive lone that could block a soccer ball. You play by my ridiculous rules and if you cant comply with my ridiculousness then sit down.
K: thank you father for sparing me in this process. I have pathetic in my practice especially in that Giants game two weeks ago were I looked like a moron. You saved me from all harm dad.
(Our act ends with McNabb riding the bench looking as stoic as ever, waiting patiently for his time in Washington to be done. A shadow emerges in the form of Zigi Wilf and a message reads “come to minnesota” and McNabb heeds the warning and plans his escape north.
Shanahan watches as Grossman fumbles and trips over himself and the Redskins begin the descend deeper into mediocrity while Dan Snyder talks about adding the Panthers Steve Smith to his team for 100 million dollars, again past his prime. Shanahan can no longer place blame, but he can’t take it either so he steps down a year later as does his son.
Haynesworth moves to New York for a million dollars and explodes for thirteen sacks and another huge deal as the Giants become the most dominate team in the league. How the next act will play out is anyone’s guess. One thing is for sure, this has been one big comedy of errors.)